Relaxed “Action”

8Are you one of those people who just cannot relax.  Doing, doing, doing???  If you are not, YOU, my friend are one of the lucky ones.  I have a to-do list.  Yes, I am a list maker.  I print it out each evening for the next day.  It is pretty special too!

There are little boxes on the left side with a task after each of them.  I try to get to each of these tasks during the day.  There are more boxes at the bottom for tasks that I need to do at a later date or tasks that take more than a day to complete.  Now that is pretty normal for a to-do list but…there are also 3 pictures duplicated with a line next to each.  2 Frogs, 2 ships and 2 phones.

I must do 2 Frogs each day.  If you never read the book, Eat that Frog, you are missing out.  The general idea is that you have to eat a really icky, gross, huge frog today.  What do you do?  Well, most people wait, and wait and worry and worry and get all worked up until the end of the day when they KNOW they MUST eat the frog.  Then they hold their breath and eat it.  The idea is to eat the frog first thing in the morning so you don’t worry and wait and get all worked up.  Just do it as Nike suggests.  So I put 2 things that I must do next to the frogs and I (try to) do these things first.  Next, the ships – these stand for relationships.  I write 2 people’s names in the spaces.  I must call, email, talk to or send a note to these people today.  I try to find people who need my help, support or fun, or someone who’s help I need.  Usually, it is who needs my help – I am not that good at asking for help (see last blog post).  Finally, telephones…these are people I MUST call today.

Why do I describe this list?  Because last Friday I could not, would not (with a fox or a box) get myself to do anything on this list.  I had a very productive week zipping through my to-do lists and I felt that I had done most things and was not thrilled at the last of the list…So, I did what most people do… I procrastinated.  I did some laundry.  I cleaned the kitchen (even though it was pretty clean already).  I folded clothes.  I dusted.  Just kidding.  I hate to dust!  I folded towels…Then, I got bored.

I went back to my to-do list and decided that I would do one thing.  Just one thing today.  I would relax about all of the things that I thought I needed to do and just do the one thing that would get me closest to my goal.  I would relax and not worry about the rest of the list.  As Sheri Kaye Hoff, my wonderful coach, has said, “Relax into Inspired Action”.  I was not sure what that really meant until I stopped thinking about what I thought I needed to do and did one thing that brought me closer to my goal.  After I finished my task, I wrote about my new insight in my journal.  As I was writing, the phone rang.  It was a client offering me a job!!!

The moral of this story?  Have a to-do list or not.  But, don’t get too hung up on what you think you are supposed to be doing.  Get clear on the one thing that you need to do – then DO IT!  And do it happily, in a relaxed way and good things will happen!  Sure, I may not always get a client calling me for a job when I relax, but in the future I will try not to be so tied to my to-do list or any of my lists.  They are great most of the time but there are times when they can be set aside for relaxed action.  Try to determine the ONE most important thing that will bring you closest to your goal – and relax while you do it.




Don’t be afraid

woman at computer

What do you know about yourself?  Are you independent or are you comfortable asking for help?  Let’s use the example of emotional intelligence; there is a teeter-totter effect.  I don’t want to be to independent and I do not wish to be too dependent.

I tend to be too independent.  I know this from my emotional intelligence report and throughout my lifetime.  I love to work in teams but I would rather do my thing then share it with the team.  This independence has worked for me in the past.  I can get a lot of work done without bothering anyone else and I can finish a project without supervision.  But, it has been hurting me recently.

One of my favorite sayings is, “You don’t know – what you don’t know”.  Once you realize what you need to know – you can learn it.  Recently I was in a situation that required me to ask for help.  I know a lot of people but will they help me?  So, I sent out an email to 100 people asking for some assistance.  Yes, I know most of them very well.  Most are friends, some acquaintances.  I got a pretty good response.  But, what I was not expecting was the extra, above, and beyond help.

Two of my friends offered to help me in different ways that I had not even imagined.  They offered to show me what I didn’t know.  I am always ready to learn!  I love to learn but, what they were offering was complicated.  I would have to dedicate myself to learning for a while.  Getting out of my comfort zone and doing behaviors that were uncomfortable but necessary to succeed.  One of my friends talked to me for  two hours.  Yes, he admitted it was like drinking from a fire hose.  I took furious notes.

Two weeks later…I could not remember a lot of what he had told me.  My notes seemed as though someone else had written them… in another language.  He had already gone above and beyond for a friend who I had not had a conversation with in almost 10 years.  Should I call him and ask for more help?  I am independent!!!  I should be able to figure this out for myself!!!  But, I knew that he gave me great information and I needed to know what I didn’t know.  I sent him an email.

He responded immediately and we talked for another hour.  He clarified what he had told me earlier.  I “got” it this time.  Wow!  “Massive Action” – I needed to do a lot of research. But, now I have a plan I and know what I did not know… “how to”

I am humbled by the need to be dependent on people at times.  And I am so honored to have such good friends.  Remember, even though you “test” as one end of a spectrum, we can always learn how to behave differently.  Yes, we may feel uncomfortable (me being dependent on someone) but these times we stretch  – we grow.



Starting Over

6What would you do if you were told my your email host that they deleted all of your emails and folders for the last 17 years.  That all you have is a brand new email starting today?  Well that is exactly what happened to me.  How did I handle it?

  1.  Disbelief – there has to be a way to get those folders and emails back.  I called support for and network solutions… no go
  2. Research – I asked the tech guy for  Chris said, “That never should have happened.  They should have backed it up before they moved servers and they never should delete until they knew it was on the new server and working.  I have never heard of that happening – ever.  That is unforgivable. “
  3. Compensation – So Chris suggested I ask for compensation… all they would give me was 2 months of my bill (about $60).  I said, “let me think about it”.. Still in denial.
  4. Sadness – When it finally sunk in – I cried.  How does this happen?  I should have backed up my email my self (can you back up email?)  YES!
  5. Relief – It is over I can start again!

So, just accept that there is nothing I can do.  I will start over. Stronger, better, faster etc.  Be thankful for what I have and start over.

Learning moment.  I still have my health, friends, family and my brain.  I can move on, Let it go and live more simply.  Forget the past…move toward the future.  I realize that I am building on my flexibility.  You can improve your emotional intelligence.  I am trying…what would you do?


Connectedness via Technology

So, I still do not have email folders yet on Sunday morning, however, they got my email to work on my computer.  Well, email from Saturday only.  I am not updating my phone yet because I can still see my folders there – but email does not work.  I called again and they told me that the administrators got the request at 4:45pm last night and they have 24 hours to get back to me.  I just need to wait…

Wow!!!  I need my email to work on Monday.  I really feel so isolated without it during the work week without email.  Now, I still have Facebook.  I see posts from my friends and I feel connected.  TV is nice to watch the Olympics and to feel inspired by those driven and committed athletes.

So, what have I learned from all of this?

  • Humans need to be connected
  • I am a very social person
  • Patience is a virtue
  • That I need to learn from these types of obstacles

Try to be positive and not get upset – especially at the support people who really ARE trying to help me.  Sometimes problems just fix themselves.  I can now get to my website on my computer.  It has nothing to do with wifi or the computer or the website.  It just works today and it did not work yesterday afternoon.

So, Today I will take a deep breath and do something not tech related.  Maybe I’ll go grocery shopping?  Go to the gym?  Go for a walk?  Explore the beaches?

Life is really great.  As my mother always says, “don’t sweat the small stuff – and most of it is small stuff”.






Technology: It is great when it works…

So, my email has been down since 4:25am on Friday.  That means that all day on Friday I had no email!!!  So, I have been doing other things such as working on this blog.

I usually don’t use  that much email on the weekends, however, I was surprised how lost and disconnected I feel.  Then when I talked to my support at I got my email from the last 3 hours but none of my folders were there.  None of my contacts…OUCH!!!

We take our technology for granted.  My email address has been working since 1998.  Now, all of a sudden since I have my new website for Learning and Reflective Growth for Individuals and Teams ( updated all HELL has broken loose.  Now, it seems that I cannot even see my website… I can get it on my phone, my tech guy can get it but my little MacBook Air has not been able to get it with Safari or Chrome.

OK so I called Apple.  This very nice lady is trying to help me.  She told me it is my server problem.  I told her my server guy said that is not correct; he had me call her.  So I asked her to try it on her browser.  It worked.  Yep.  So, she told me “I can get it.  You just can’t get it on your machine.  I told her, “yes, that is correct,  that is why I called you.”  So now I am on hold again.

So, what can I learn from this????  Be happy for  the “little” miracles like email and internet access.  Be happy for sunshine, rain or whatever the weather is at this moment.  I try so hard not to get upset… these people are trying to help me.  This is a test of my patience.  I try to laugh when things don’t work exactly as I had planned.  Smile and  remember that “this too shall pass”,  “If it won’t matter in 5 years then let it go” and all of  those other mantras that my grandmother used to say.

But, grandma did not have internet.